The Rapture made a fatal mistake. They released a bona fide summer club hit Gotta Get Myself Into It Problem was they released it in September. It was duly ignored. The single went nowhere. The album kind of bombed and they genuinely had to take that holiday and get away. It's the chance of a lifetime. Blown.

At le cool HQ, we were not going to miss that chance to get away. With umbrellas and an Irish Times magazine mention to shield us from the relentless Irish summer sky spit we were on our way. Or so we thought.

Of course, then as we're out the door and sayanora, we thought about you and what would you do in our absence until August 11th? We knowingly glanced the 'what about the kids' glance and thought what if we threw them a big summer party? What if it was free to all le cool readers who show up on time? What if we put it on in an amazing gallery space in the city? What if we offer them some free cocktails to start the night with?

So there. Done deal? If you promise not to miss us too much, we promise to have a party upon return. Get Yourself Into It.

Who misses the tanning booth in Chartbusters? Michael or Ciaran. With special thanks to Camille and Ruth.

Food - sure where would you be without it? Dead. Fact. Food Markets - wholesome good or an evil jostle of stalls and cuisines? This 'summer' has seen a raft of food markets spring up and bed down around the city. There's the one on the canal over near Mespil Road, there's one at FitzWilliam Square, I spotted former Green TD Trevor Sargent's mug in a paper recently flogging onions at one in the suburban sticks and now Christchurch is the latest addition. Midst the shadows of this Gothic landmark in medieval Dublin is Dave's Wood-Fired Pizza. And Doghouse cafe, Tikkahut, Dux & Co., Kanum, Noshington and a mediterranean grill, Thai place, cornish pasties, falafels, buns and bread. Was it for this the Vikings raped and pillaged way back then? Probably not. But it sure beats the notion of a Spar roll. / Zach Joyce

7.5 million youtube clicks. Yes, that's how many The Rubberbandits Horse Outside video has registered. Their manager Joe Clarke will be telling us how to make money from such a sensation and is likely to be meaningful when he says "if I had a cent for every click". Joe is part of the trio at this seminar aimed at anyone with an interest in online filmmaking. Simon Walker is going to shed some light on How to Make A Killer Internet Video while Triona Campbell will discuss her internet and TV series Aisling's Diary and Sophia's Diary. Rounding off the evening, will be the recent Made in Temple Bar filmmakers who will detail their experiences. In the age of anything is possible when it comes to technology, access and exposure - Beyond TV seems a nifty seminar for anyone who believes the future may exist out there, somewhere, online. / Zach Joyce

The Edinburgh Fringe Festival is just around the corner, and all the outbound comedians are busy prepping their new sets like parade floats. Aidan Bishop’s show is centred on his personal experience with dyslexia, versus common preconceptions. For example, people think that when a person with dyslexia tries to read, the words move around on the page. Aidan enacts this as a confrontation, very much complemented by his Noo Yawk accent: “Hey! Wurd! Where youse goin’, wurd?” What it’s actually like, he tells us, is having a midwest redneck periodically shouting inanities at you while you’re trying to read: “Yee hah! I likes thems shoes!” Also starring is his new best friend, his text-reading laptop, who deadpans dirty jokes in a BBC newsreader voice. They make an entertaining duo, and the lols walk in on cue. / Pauric Holleran

By its very nature, photography loses much less in the process of mechanical reproduction than painting does. A book of photographs is almost as good as an exhibition of the same photographs. And so this exhibition, in which thirty of Martin Parr's favourite photography books of the last decade are available to examine, is in some sense thirty separate exhibitions. Edited by Time Prus and Ed Jones, 'Nein, Onkel' is perhaps the most striking book on show. A disquieting series of black-and-white photographs taken between 1938 and 1945 of Nazis soldiers getting up to all sorts of innocent antics (swimming, drinking, dressing in drag), these 'Snapshots from Another Front' do much to challenge many of our assumptions about the nature of evil. These books add up to a comprehensive introduction to contemporary photography. / Kevin Breathnach

There have been hundreds of dramatisations of the legendary story of Robin Hood, who robbed the rich to give to the poor, but it’s safe to say that this adaptation of the Alfred Tennyson version will give audiences a new and unique perspective on the classic tale. Rather than confining themselves to a traditional theatre setting, directors Liam Burke, JP Dunleavy and Andrea Scott are staging their version in the Belfield Woodlands (a site similar to that inhabited by Robin himself?) With the natural surroundings as a backdrop, lead actor Shane Lennon and the rest of the cast take the audience through the story. This is a rain or shine show and attendees are advised to bring rain gear and blankets but whatever the weather this promises to be a very memorable theatre experience that won’t leave you out of pocket. / Frances Winston

From afar you may wonder how Slade's Dave Hill is still looking so dapper and so...35...but that'll be the suited and booted Paul Foot; tormentor of doll collecting divorcee B&B owners, champion of the eschewed shire horse on the fringes of every country fair, and leader of the Guild of Coinnesseurs. The marvellously mulleted jester's comedy is cloaked in observational surrealism and energetic storytelling that not so long ago led to him crouching over yours truly at a distressingly poorly attended performance of last year's 'Ash in the Attic' at the Samuel Beckett theatre. Foot has been hugely inspirational within the comedy scene and I guarantee that you have experienced a diluted taste of his sheer genius, but I urge you to go for the whole shebang with the original and the best at the Iveagh gardens-BAYBAY! / Kate Coleman

Husband and wife rhythm section Tina Weymouth and Chris Frantz were fundamental to the success of Talking Heads and it was during downtime from the band that they conceived their own side-project, Tom Tom Club. Thirty years later they have returned to celebrate their anniversary and their place in the pop pantheon. To the untrained eye, TTC never got the critical acclaim that was afforded their parent group, but they pursued less lofty goals, and arguably the celebrated hits off their self-titled debut, Wordy Rappinghood and the much-sampled Genius of Love, match anything in the infectious stakes that Talking Heads offered. With a poly-rhythmic underbelly and dancefloor friendly grooves, TTC left the pretence of art-rock at the door. Feelgood music. Support from Tieranniesaur.  Win Tickets / Mark Keane

Two weeks ago, Mangina Jones and, Chyna Wine (her sidekick from Cork) hosted a party in the Project and invited everyone she knew. A mixed and bubbly crowd packed into the bar and enjoyed advice, comedy, spoken word, music, performances from the Queen herself, and of course, a session on sextrology for the couples in the room. I laughed, I cried (at Justin Murphy’s amazing rendition of Being Alive from
Company), I cut cake for the agony aunt (who was straight out of Golden Girls), I danced and sailed home feeling like I had been to a party with all of my best friends. That’s the effect that Mangina Jones has on you. / Hilary O'Shaughnessy

Si Schroeder or should I say Sigh Schroeder? There's something delicate and ephemeral about the magic that Simon Kenny bestows upon music, a grace and elegance that transcends the ordinary. You know every single word, note, chord and key change has been painstakingly considered and then some. Not for Sigh the churn of releases. Five years in the making, Jump Ship is the precursor to Holding Patterns the follow-up album to his Choice Music nominated Coping Mechanisms. And it has distinguished substance and beauty in equal, and expected, measure. It's an exquisite taster, a radox bubble bath of soothing sounds and lyrics before the bath plug is pulled for a discordant finale. This is the the stuff of Donal Dineen dreams, Sigh Shroeder is one of those people that genuinely lifts Irish independent music to a new plateau. Exhale - all at once. Win Tickets / Michael McDermott

Twenty plus years at the coalface of hip-hop has not blunted De La Soul's desire to perform and record. Emerging as conscious counterpoint to their more confrontational peers, De La Soul's 1989 debut, Three Feet High and Rising, espoused a communal spirit amongst the rap fraternity, its playful demeanour, offbeat rhymes and sunkissed samples making it an instant classic of the genre. But there was more to the group than soft-centred cheery optimism. Throughout their career, MCs Posdnuos, Trugoy, and Maseo have looked to subvert their craft with an arch sense of humour – agent provocateurs who are part of the hip-hop game but who like to bend the rules. They are joined tonight by big-band tour de force Hypnotic Brass Ensemble, the cumulative powers of eight Chi-town brothers whose output is a sight and sound to behold. / Mark Keane

I love a good excuse to hang out at the Civic Offices drinking non-alcoholic yeah right beverages from an unmarked cup on a sunny day. Now in its sixth year, Kings of Concrete is one of the best heterosexual excuses for this. Sk8tin', BMX-ing, Jumpin' off shit like a mad yoke (Parkour), Rollerbladzing and something called a Hippie Jump that is unfortunately not as hilarious as it might have been if hippies were doing it. Basically teens and pre-teens are going to effortlessly outcool you while you wish you hadn't swapped your skateboard for a Stretch Armstrong when you were eleven (what might have been). Top tip: The Graffiti walls are always worth checking out and don't miss the beatboxing at 3pm on the Saturday, whether you enjoy it ironically or not is not important. / Karl Watson

I never knew Molly Malone was a flamenco dancer until I saw the festival logo. That probably explains her popularity with street photographers. The long list of Dublin festivals adds another one this year and, to my delight, it's about dance as well as music and song. Unlike other dance styles, flamenco isn't something you can get in a few classes; it's a life choice, a state of mind, a compelling world ancient. Pena Flamenco El Indalo, the organisers, decided to settle only for the best and brought some of the most influential flamenco dancers and musicians to perform. Opening with an inspiring exhibition of flamenco photography (that we reviewed last week), the festival also offers workshops in dance, guitar and rhythms, and a series of talks for those who yearn to discover more about flamenco. Win Tickets to Camerata Flamenco Project / Nadia Gativa

The pairing of Villagers and Beach House is a poetic one, unified as they are through a dreamy kind of vision. Something like Villagers’ beautiful Cecilia & Her Selfhood acts as a guide to both bands, the “statue and her twin…together they watched over everything”, but more than that, they inspire a protectiveness in their fans, the kind that wants to wear warpaint - “hunters to the end". This also refers back to the searching nature of O’Brien's lyrics, and the deeply wrought melancholy within Legrand and Scally’s soundscapes. From Beach House’s self-titled debut, to Devotion and Teen Dream, their little worlds are the generous kind, the dreamiest pop imaginable. Like O’Brien, they have been working on new material, providing another reason to experience them in magical surroundings, and participate in the dream. / Siobhán Kane

Marlay Park, set amongst woodlands and ponds, seems an appropriate place to experience Joanna Newsom, who, over the years, has sung of clams and jackrabbits; autumn and Cassiopeia - nature constitutes her world, and seems to bring her succour. Of course human nature is in there too, and from 2004’s The Milk-Eyed Mender, to 2006’s Ys, and last year’s Have One on Me, Newsom manages to create emotional work which is drawn from vast and diverse influences; Appalachian, psychedelic, classical and folk. One of her gifts is the lightness of touch she brings to her hugely complex compositions, and the artwork for Ys , which depicts her as a druid priestess is appropriate, since she bewitches as she moves from harp to piano with ease; and her voice is like “the phantom of love” that “moves among us at will” as she sings on Esme. / Siobhán Kane

Coming from a generally non-cycling culture and suddenly finding myself photographing road races, I often wondered, like words of Bike Snob: "What is a cyclist and why would anyone want to be one?" I realise now that cycling isn't just a means of transporting your body, but also a subculture with rules, signs and slang that probably date back to when the wheel was invented. After seeing the amount of antique bike parts and memorabilia that collected in the Square Wheel Cycleworks over 30 years, the organisers of Hello Operator arts space had no better idea then to share this vintage velo-treasure with the Dubliners in a three-day pop-up museum. From the opening party featuring bike-instrument performances to SpokePOV workshop in animation and photography, it seems like a great place to be...for your bike. / Nadia Gativa

No-one could ever say this movie isn't bat shit insane-o. In fact, it's the bat shit insane-o-ist (maybe tying with Enter the Void and everything from Japan). Iron Pussy is a transvestite Thai ass-kicking detective who, after getting a secret message from the Prime Minister on a 7-Eleven receipt, goes on one helluvan adventure: Posing undercover as a sexy maid to infiltrate the mansion of Madame Pompadoy and the evil villain Mr Henry (boo, hiss), she only goes and falls in love with his "debonair" son but SPOILER ALERT she's his long lost twin sister/brother. Someone once told me that you can't take mots to ironic movies on dates in case they don't get it (women's brains so smawl etc etc). Defy them. Take your she-woman to this sparkling gem of Asian culture (chicks dig gems). Also it's a musical. / Karl Watson

Those of you who like to keep your finger firmly on Dublin’s fashion pulse have most likely already heard about ultra cool Dublin based clothing range FucknFilthy. Those of you who haven’t heard of it should be quickly whipping out a pen and paper and taking note. Started by Josh Gordon, the line is inspired by photography, design and street style and has amassed somewhat of a cult following in Australia and the UK. The range includes some very on trend pieces, my favorite of which being a t-shirt with a clever play on the words ‘cunning stunt’, although you might not want to wear this one when you’re visiting your granny. For a limited time only FucknFilthy will be taking up residence in the basement of All City Records, so I very much suggest getting your arses down there before its too late. / Ruth Aravena

How bad would it be to get lost at sea surrounded by sharks, or maybe trapped in a lift with with Norman Bates, Hannibal Lector and Patrick Bateman? Now combine these two frightful scenarios and you have a pretty good idea of the premise of this Spanish prison drama. Think 'Oz', not 'Shawshank' because Cell 211 is as brutal as they come. The poor prison guard recruit who gets left behind during a riot on his orientation day must convince the jail's frankly terrifying top dog, Malamadre, that he's a lowly inmate. Good luck with that. All manner of bloodshed and devious cellblock politics ensue with twist after twist which would make the most crooked shank look like a waiter's friend. This is far from 'would I do the same' and way more 'SO hate to be that lad' territory. Captivating stuff. / Simon Judge

I’m sure that most of us have spent some time lately imagining men such as Enda Kenny and Rupert Murdoch in various unpleasant scenarios. Personally, I can think of very few scenarios more unpleasant than becoming a member of the brain eating undead. The Clynne Gallery’s new exhibition shows these two men in exactly this state as well as various other zombified pictures celebrating all things rotten and terrifying. One of the highlights is a great set of paintings by artist Sarah Sheil depicting much darker images around the subject of zombies. Her paintings are frighteningly realistic and could definitely inspire a few nightmares. This exhibition really captures the eerie essence of its subject matter and will leave you quaking in fear the next time you see Enda on the news. / Ruth Aravena

Neurosis are a (Heavy) Metal band from Oakland, California. They have been honing their distinctive brand of extreme music since 1985. Few bands or sub-genres within the Metal fraternity produce music that delivers on the promise implied in the label 'Heavy Metal' - Speed Metal sounds too tinny, Black Metal too adolescent, Nu Metal too limp. Neurosis are immune to such accusations of false advertising. Across 9 studio albums Neurosis have developed a unique sonic blend that combines elements of (US) hardcore, dark ambient and psychedelia with the heavy hypnotic drone of a Black Sabbath record played at half-speed. Founding member Scott Kelly collaborated with Mastodon on 3 of their critically acclaimed studio albums and toured/recorded as a member of Doom Metal supergroup Shrinebuilder in 2009-2010. / Oran Day

Ah, chemistry class… the smell of sulfur on the air… Magnesium burning with the ferocity of young love's eager flame… it all seems so long ago! Thankfully the clever boffins at The Science Gallery have come-up trumps again, with a show designed to expose the inner-workings of The Elements as you’ve never seen them before. Exhibits range from hands-on experiments (did you know bananas are radioactive?!), to a stunning visual reinterpretation of the periodic table by top Irish creatives (curated by Gavin Beattie and featuring work by Chris Judge, Steve Simpson, Aidan Kelly and BRENB, and this week's cover artist). Visitors are also invited to bring along examples of elements used in day-to-day life – though probably best to check ahead if you’re hoping to off-load that pesky piece of plutonium you’ve been struggling to dispose of! / Tom Donegan

It’s always interesting looking at old photos, laughing at the questionable fashion choices, cringing at the dodgy haircuts. These nostalgic gems are most likely tucked away in a dark corner of you mother’s attic, only given an outing every 10 years, or forgotten about completely. The artists in the Versions and Diversions exhibition have managed to get their hands on a few of these photographs and have used techniques such as stitching, tearing and bleaching to turn them into something truly unique. The idea of these works is that they may be seen as a ‘version’ of the original but also as a ‘diversion’ from what they were intended to be. This exhibition is all about breathing life into something old and forgotten about and may even inspire you to crack out the needle and thread and get to work yourself. / Ruth Aravena

This is a night to remember (although you may struggle to), where confidence is built, new friends are made, food and drink are consumed and everyone is made to feel welcome. If it's your first night, you are not obliged to speak, although even the most nervous are delighted when they do (the complimentary champagne helps). Friendly feedback is given on each person's three minute speech on a pre-decided topic (this week: Food). This newly-born love-child of Sarah Leahy and Victoria Mary Clarke aims to create a warm, fun atmosphere in which to overcome the fear of public speaking. Recent participants include Shane McGowan and Mundy, (both of whom joined in an impromptu sing-song with this reporter in the smoking area). You too could end up regaling Facebook with (fuzzy) memories of these already legendary evenings. / Emily O'Callaghan

A decent outdoor cinema was something that our capital was sorely in need of up until recently. Now they seem to be popping up all over the place. It’s a trend to be welcomed - there’s no better setting in which to watch a piece of cinematic history unfold. With this in mind, the good folk at Dundrum Town Centre have transformed the Pembroke District into a fantastic al-fresco movie-watching space, and it’s entirely free. Though it failed to set the box office alight on initial release, this 1952 musical comedy is now consistently ranked among the greatest films of all time. Memorable both for its satirical take on the vapid ideals of the Hollywood elite and that famous scene we all know and love; this is near comic perfection, and classical Hollywood at its best. Best enjoyed with an umbrella at the ready. / Aoife O'Regan

So it’s that time of year again, the days are long, the kids are finished school, and you are seriously struggling to keep them occupied. If this set up sounds familiar to you then get ready to want to kiss your computer screen with joy. The wonderful people at the Ark have decided to run a summer music festival that includes some pretty deadly play workshops for children. Rhythms Of The World is one of these workshops and offers a chance to learn about and play with percussion instruments from all over world. The workshop is given by professional musician Robbie Harris who has preformed with the likes of Riverdance and Bob Geldof. Be prepared for a whole load of hand clapping, finger clicking, and maraca shaking during the hour and to see ‘Bongo’ and ‘Cajón’ on the list to Santa this year. / Ruth Aravena

So it’s another typical July afternoon in Dublin complete with rain, wind and nothing to do but watch Sky+. Instead of resigning yourself to watching Jeremy Kyle, round up a few mates and head to Giddy Studios and give your creativity a long deserved day out. Giddy Studios allows you choose anything from a piggy bank to a sushi bowl and paint it with your own crazy designs. Their studios are bright and cheery and create the perfect environment for you to unleash your inner and far more creative child. Although the idea of painting pottery may seem slightly juvenile, a bit of childhood fun is always enjoyable plus the lovely people at Giddy allow you to bring your own bottle of wine. Think of it as primary school Art class except with alcohol, now how awesome does that sound? / Ruth Aravena

To find the Decent Cigar Emporium, walk down Diagon Alley and when you reach the wooden Indian tap his headpiece lightly with your wand. A door will appear in front of you. Walk all the way up the stairs and greet Guy Hanock, the owner. He is often away travelling in search of rare cigars, but as all the staff are exceptionally knowledgeable and friendly you will always be treated fabulously. I, a mere witch of no exceptional magical skills apart from a flair for conjuring up glitter, have received unrivaled attention and often even been offered delicious cuban coffee. Mad Eye Moody is a regular as was Serious Black, who enjoyed a Maduro 5 Secretos. Their highly specific stock does attract those seeking status and Horace Slughorn is known to always stock his humidor with large H. Upmann's before his annual Slug Club party. / Georgia